Growing up as one of the relatively few Latter-day Saints in the Bible Belt I was used to being considered a weird kid. But fortunately for me, I was weird in a socially respectable way.
Like most “nice Mormon kids”, I got respect from peers, teachers and other parents. We were endearing and harmless… usually considered a good influence, well-behaved and high achieving. We all had “bright futures” with “potential”. Sure we had some strange beliefs and the more religious among the normal crowd said we’d end up in Hell for believing in a “different Jesus” but hey no big deal! Until then, we could still be friends. “Nice Mormon kids” are the kind of weird you might call “Parallel Weird”.
We were headed in the same direction of college, family and responsible adulthood, just a little off the normal track. But social hierarchies still exist and being any type of weird has a social cost. “Parallel weird” is not equal to normal but rather at the bottom of that hierarchy. For “nice Mormon kids” of my generation, a reminder of this dynamic came in the form of an extremely popular broadway show: the ‘Book of Mormon Musical’. Normal people loved it. The creators knew that since we were so nice and well-behaved, all we would do is shrug our shoulders and play along with the gag; like the nerd who pretends to laugh at the “kick-me” sign taped to his back. And so we did.
After all, if you want to be a part of the hierarchy, what other choice do you have?
Being Wyrd
Normal has changed. You don’t have to belong to a minority religion to feel that. Many no longer have the same confidence in the normal path.
Being parallel weird is fine if the destination you’re running off to is a good one. But being parallel to people running off a cliff is not ideal. The result of mangled human lives at the bottom is the same whether you leap right along with the “normal” guys or a few feet to their side. We need to avoid the cliff altogether.
You’re no dummy. You see the cliff coming. But even parallel weird is socially, culturally and in many other ways expensive. So, the question you must ask yourself is this: “how weird are you willing to be?” How weird is weird enough to avoid the cliff all the normal people are barreling towards?
Being weird enough to avoid the cliff might be visualized like this. A complete change in direction, 90 degrees from normal.
Weird is a very, very old word, more than a thousand years ago it was spelled in old english as “wyrd”. Back then its meaning was quite different: fate or one who could control their fate.
Wyrd held this meaning for hundreds of years before Shakespeare adapted it to mean both fate and “unearthly”/“unnatural”. Over time, it’s lost its original meaning altogether.
“You’re weird” = You are strange/unusual
“Your wyrd” = your fate.
I’ve tried to demonstrate over my past few articles different ways of being wyrd. Whether it was proving your independence by owning a business, shirking corporate storytelling for your own or relying more on the human system. And I’ll continue to do so. There are many opportunities to change your wyrd through decisive and heroic action.
But you need to be weird first before you can be wyrd. That is to say, you have to do things differently before you can control your own fate. Wrestle your fate from the “normal crowd” and set a course all your own!
But this is the kind of weird that isn’t always respected or accepted. It doesn’t put other people at ease. It’s not always fit for small talk. It’s scary.
What I set out below is not a prescription for “wyrd”. There are no tips or suggestions, after all, it’s your fate, not mine. But the following is, in my view, some of the biggest levers of weirdness that one can deploy toward wyrd-ness.
Technology
“…it would be a relief in a way not to be bothered with it anymore. It has been growing on my mind lately. Sometimes I have felt it was like an eye looking at me. And I am always wanting to put it on and disappear, don’t you know; or wondering if it is safe, and pulling it out to make sure. I tried locking it up, but I found that I couldn’t rest without it in my pocket. I don’t know why. And I don’t seem able to make up my mind.”
-Bilbo Baggins in “The Lord of The Rings” talking about his iPhone 13.
By now, we all feel it and we all hate it. The internet gives much and we know it takes just as much if not more out of us. This weariness of all things online comes from God; it is a warning sign blaring: “CLIFF AHEAD!” and we should heed it.
How you use technology is the first and most obvious way to be weird and to take back your wyrd. But also one of the most difficult. You’ve probably seen the memes online showing some serene cabin in the woods with a caption like “Would you stay in this cabin with no internet, TV or video games for a month to win $1,000,000?”
The comments roar with approval: “Sign me up!”, “YAAAS!!”, “I’d pay money to stay there!” And yet, within the comfort of their own homes, with complete control over their smartphone power button or their internet router, and at their own expense, these same people… us, you and me… do not even consider turning off the internet.
In our screen-obsessed culture any form of weirdness is going to mean a reduction, a restriction, an intentional plan and perhaps even a philosophy of technology use in your home, your work, your communication and your entertainment.
That’s part of the the painful cost of wrestling your fate back into your control.
Education
For 200 years, the public school beast has rolled on until it has consumed nearly every child in America. And while individual teachers and schools can be great, the public school system at large is…. uh… uninspiring to say the least. And that is the least I can say about it! The public school to debt-funded college degree to entry-level email job pipeline is just as uninspiring.
But it is unfortunately the fate of many of the kids we send off to schools and colleges; where the once bright lights of curiosity and imagination are drained from their minds by our educational standards. What used to be a little mound of human clay, is pounded into normal.
But education doesn’t have to be this way! Education can be interesting, inspiring, character building and weird! It can be customized to your children, their interests, their abilities and their talents.
A righteous use of technology is to expose children to countless resources for exploration, creation and inspiration in whatever subject they are curious about.
Being weird in education will mean less standardization, less reliance on experts, public schools, curriculums and degrees. It will mean an emphasis on principle and character over knowledge and information. The latter of which has been commodified. It is no longer impressive to know something but it will always be impressive to be something.
But it will also increasingly be weird.
Family Life
Those who are weird in their use of technology and in their education will certainly start to angle away from the cliff of normal. But is it enough?
The typical American family is over-scheduled and overwhelmed and their family life is chaotic. Having 5 small children myself, it seems that a chief cause of this chaos is the pressure on “normal” parents to guide their children through all the experiences consumerism has to offer. It’s one of the few remaining rites of passage available to “normal” families.
Gone are the rituals and markers of maturity that past generations relied on to give their children confidence, continuity, and security. Now the child has to consume it all: from screens, activities and other experiences. Otherwise, we’re unsure if we’re doing a good job as parents.
But a weird family, with a wyrd in their control, has a culture all its own. It has memes, in-jokes, creations and rituals that don’t come from a screen. They have not consumed their culture, as much as they have worked it out, talked it out and spent time speaking and acting it into existence.
They will not only collect experiences and store photos to prove it. They will collect character, identity and uniqueness. And that will be very weird.
Other Choices
There is really no end to the ways that one can be weird with the goal of being wyrd. Weirdness is not comfortable nor convenient. We can be purposefully weird about our financial decisions, how we prioritize career and family, what we eat, how we spend our time, what we focus on, how we use our smartphones, the books we read, the movies we watch, the church we go to, how we homeschool kids and on and on.
Whatever we need to do to be weird enough so we, and our friends and family, can avoid the cliff… that’s going to be the right answer.
And the weirder we get, the more we’ll find others who are also breaking off the normal path and setting sights for weird enough. In my experience, weird and wyrd are not lonely roads.
In fact, the loneliest road might be the parallel one.
This is comforting and inspiring. Thank you.