As far back as history can tell, people have been using the new year to make resolutions and goals.
“This is it! This new year will bring with it a new me.”
But tragically, most people fail most of the time to be any different in any given year. The New Year comes and goes. And our lives go by “as a dream, our time as a stream, glides swiftly away and the fugitive moment refuses to stay. For the arrow is flown, and the moments are gone.”1
And before we know it, it’s another New Years and we’re making the same resolutions all over again. A perpetual, year-long Groundhog Day. After a few years of this, we learn that maybe we shouldn’t bother to set goals and resolutions at all. Waste of effort. Nothing will ever change.
I don’t pretend to be immune from this pattern myself but despite our history of setting and failing, the New Year should never find us giving up on change. Set goals, set resolutions! Hope and strive for change in the coming year!
To that end, here are a few things I’ve learned and observed about change and goals.
I once read a book called “Influencer” and while it’s full of many wonderful insights, the primary take away for me is this: no one changes anything unless they 1) believe it’s possible and 2) believe it’s worth it to change. For example, I’ve met hundreds of guys who want to start their own businesses. But few ever do it. They either believe it’s not actually possible for them to start a business now or they believe the cost to start a business in time, risk, money or something else just isn’t worth it. I find when I’m stuck and not making progress, it’s helpful to ask myself those two questions: Do I believe this is possible? Do I believe it’s worth the effort to change? The honest answer is very illuminating.
Don’t just make goals or resolutions. Identify the choices that the goal entails. For example, a common goal is to eat healthier and lose weight. Fantastic, but success is not the good feeling which comes from setting a goal, but in figuring out which choices you’ll need to achieve it. The version of you who is 15 lbs. lighter next December doesn’t make the same choices as the person who is 15 lbs. heavier today. He or she thinks about food differently. They don’t snack the same, they don’t do dessert or sugary drinks the same. They may eat out less or choose different foods. They may not stay up late and instead get better sleep. In many fundamental ways, they are a different person. For every goal you make, you should ask yourself, are you willing to be this person? Someone who makes entirely different choices?
One thing that helps to answer this question is to spend time with people who are like the person you want to be; people who are making the choices you hope to make one day. One of the most helpful things I’ve seen for guys who want to start a business, for example, is to be around business owners. Because what’s holding aspiring business owners back is usually not the lack of a brilliant or innovative business idea; it’s their choices, how they approach the idea, how they spend their time, how they think about money, work and risk. Spending time with business owners fixes this.
Anyway, being around the people who make the choices you wish to make will help you understand if the pain of new choices is worth it to you or not. I play the piano casually, but I do not play it especially well because I’ve seen what it takes to play it better and I’m not willing to make those choices. I’ve seen what it takes to run a marathon or to be an expert software developer and I’m not willing to make those choices either. But I am willing to make the choices necessary to have my wife be a SAHM or for us to homeschool or for me to find customers in my business or to be a healthy weight. These are the goals that matter to me. And that’s who I am now. It’s the same for all of us. What choices are you willing to make? Who do you want to be? If you don’t want to go through the pain of new choices, it’s a bad goal and you should let it go. That or you should increase your pain tolerance.
A few years ago I read a book called “Change Management”. One of the principles in this book is that for a change to happen, it needs reinforcements in the form of other people who will support, praise and assist with whatever is changing. While it’s a business book, talking about business initiatives, individual people are no different. You and I are communal beings. We were built to work in concert with other people.
So make goals which involve other people. Don’t just tell them your goals, get them involved in your goals and get involved in their goals. Ask for their support. If none of your current friends or acquaintances can help then it’s time to make new friends and new acquaintances. If necessary hire help, buy a book, attend a class, get training, hire a coach or a consultant who can assist you in the process of making new choices.
Goals and resolutions are usually very focused on self improvement. Which isn’t bad, but the older I get the more I think the most sustained forms of self-improvement come from wanting to do or create something for other people.
No matter your goal, the real goal is making new choices.
A lot of people are looking at 2024 as a potentially big year for big news things to happen. I don’t know what’s going to happen but it doesn’t matter for our goals. What will matter is the choices we make.
Here’s to a 2024 that finds a new you, making new choices by the end of it… the choices you’ve always dreamed of.
From Come Let Us Anew, a hymn.